I kept my shirt clean...and it was the worst day of my life.
Very rare are the moments when you will see me with a clean shirt while I am with my children. There's usually a combination of snot, food, chocolate milk, or unknown foreign substances. Normally, it's no big deal; but it can often be overwhelming to feel like you can never be completely clean or to know that the moment you wear your favorite shirt it WILL get stained.
This day was Christmas Day, and I was determined to keep my shirt clean. I wanted to look decent for pictures, I wanted to smell nice for the family, and I wanted to feel free of the burden of total "yuck"...just for ONE day.
And so...
...when my daughter asked to be held, I spotted her dirty mouth and went to grab something to clean it with...
...in the process, my youngest son ran at me with chalk covered hands to show me the mess he made on himself...
...as this happened my oldest son needed to use the potty (I totally forgot about my daughter's dirty face at this point, so she's chasing me while screaming)...
...I grabbed my daughter to keep her from screaming, saw her face and held her at a distance because "my shirt must remain clean!"...
...put her down to eat a bit of breakfast with my neck craned far away from my shirt as I managed to avoid three speeding race cars zig-zagging between my legs...
This went on for most of the day. The screaming, the arms distance, and close calls were making this the worst Christmas ever...but my shirt was clean!
And then I saw it...the utter disappointment on my children's faces because momma just didn't want to hold them today. On this day, I missed one more snuggle with my sweet girl who is growing too much too quickly. On this day, I failed to recognize the masterpiece my youngest son created, that new connection he made in his brain, and encourage him to keep exploring. On this day, I made my oldest son feel insecure because I did not want to help him do something that he's so unfamiliar with at this age. I realized that, on Christmas day, my children felt unloved...all because of a stupid shirt.
I missed all the moments I constantly ache to be a part of and pray to never forget. Thankfully, this only lasted until about mid afternoon. At that point I realized that I would never again keep a shirt clean while my children were growing up, and that's ok. I know there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel decent. But there is something wrong with not meeting my children's needs and being grateful for each and every single spot on my shirts.
These spots are signs of love, growth, sacrifice, trust, adventure, and security. These spots I now wear with pride. So I ask you, how will you dirty your shirt today in your journey to love and serve others?
Life is not about keeping our shirts clean...it's about getting them absolutely filthy.
